The crossroads

I cant sleep and its almost four in the morning. ive tried to sleep but all i think about is how im truly not happy any more and let me tell you, its a depressing thought to realize that i have no purpose no goal to complete nothing in the near future that will make me more happy. Like its all downhill from this point...things can only get worse for me, and that they will start to get worse for me soon, this scares me and i dont know how to get rid of this depressing feeling. I just feel that in university nothing is changing...everything is the same every day and when i return to london everything will be the same there and the same there is not as good as the same here so im truly at a crossroads.

All my life ive tried to go on the normal path when clearly im not destined for that, and all my life i have had people, places, things, that have prevented me from doing that and now looking at my life i realize that i dont have those things holding me back anymore but as they are not holding me back in turn they are no longer guiding me forward... so i unno my overall thought is too get some money together and just leave and never come back to my old life... and although it sounds sad the most depressing thought is that me thinking of that actually eases my tension. How long can a man live within a cage of dreams.